Alright… you all knew this post would come sooner or later! I have been a military spouse for, about, 9 years. The second time around has definitely opened my eyes a little more on everything military. Let’s jump right in! Here are my opinions on some popular topics. You may agree, you may not. Will it change my outlook on things? Probably not.
I’ll start with this one. Ya gotta love these questions! All the “What branch is your wife in?” questions don’t bother me as much. “What does your wife do?” THAT question. That question gets me every time. I ALWAYS catch myself hesitating. Shit. What DOES she do?! Oh yeah… “Air Transportation”! Then the questions keep rolling. “Does she fix planes?” No. “What planes does she work on?” Um, I don’t know?! “Does she fly the planes?” NO! Should I know these things?! Maybe. But I don’t! I know little details. Does that make me a bad military spouse? Maybe to some, but not to me. I’m just a SUPPORTIVE wife to a military member. Should that persuade people into thinking differently of me? I don’t think so. Let me put it this way… If your spouse works in an office, how would you feel if someone asked you random questions like “Where is the building your spouse works in?” “What kind of office chair does your spouse sit in?” “Is it a big building or little building?” Those kind of questions that really don’t matter. I get people are just curious but you’re asking the wrong person.
I don’t attend many but I think that’s ok. I’m not a key spouse. Should I be? I don’t know… maybe? I’m not though and I’m completely ok with that. I may be oblivious to a lot of things that other military spouses know like the back of their hands. I don’t think that makes me a shitty spouse. If my wife has a big function and I’m allowed to go, I’m there! If it is supporting her, I’m there. Anything that involves my wife, her achieving goals or deciding to re-enlist for another 6 years. You’re damn right, I’m there! Like I stated earlier, the second time around is way different. Maybe it’s the situation, I don’t know, but I know almost everyone my wife works with. I’m Facebook friends with most of them. It’s nice for Cara to say someone in her shop wants to meet me. ME?! Really? I’m supposed to be the proud one but it’s nice knowing that my wife is also proud to bring me around and let me show my support for her!
This one is kind of personal, I feel. Does rank really matter to OTHER people?! Other military members ask this. But why? Will you judge my spouse because she only has a certain amount of stripes? Or… are you curious to how much she makes in a month? Really?! Why is this always a question? My answer is always followed by the correct answer but it just bugs me sometimes. All you need to know is when you see those stripes on her arm or I tell you she’s a SSgt, you should just know that she worked her ass off to get those stripes. You need to know that she is DAMN proud to wear that many (or few) on her arms and so am I! The “stripes” don’t matter to me, personally, because I don’t work for them. I don’t get stressed out worrying about the tasks that come with those stripes or what obstacles you are going to have to overcome for the next set of stripes. All that matters (to me) is that those stripes represent the dedication and hard work my wife has put in to earn them!
Deployments suck. Period. All my fellow military spouses know. So much goes on during deployments. You are constantly holding your phone because, god forbid, if you miss a damn call. It is seriously dreadful! When you get into a schedule since they’ve been gone, and they don’t call you one day, the same time they normally call, kills you. Not having your spouse with you every day sucks. I know a lot of people go through this and I’m not saying it doesn’t suck, but sometimes you really don’t understand unless you have gone through it. Having to send your love through care packages, sending letters (Yes, actual written letters) every now and then, emails, Facebook posts to each other. I could go on and on but those are all you have for the 6+ months they’re gone. Trying your best to keep them sane while they’re overseas scared for their life (most of the time). Even when you have break downs because you miss them everyday, they’re having those same breakdowns. Always remember at the end of the night. You are one day closer to them coming home! Bring on the countdowns! Which change. ALL. THE. TIME.
Permanent Change of Station. Ya know… when we get orders and get to move! 😉 I’ve been to a few different bases and they can go from good ol’ Dover, Delaware, to HAWAII! Hawaii… who wouldn’t want to live there?! Fast forward to today and my wife and I are currently stationed in NJ. If you read my post about “Being a mommy… 4,337 Miles Away”, this is where that comes in. Since my children aren’t (biologically) my wife’s children ;), the military won’t move us to be with them. So… bring on the shitty part of PCSing. Where it’s all a waiting game. Every. Single. Day. You just pray and pray to get orders out of your current station. Some may never want to leave where they are (hats off to you) and if my children didn’t live so far away, in Alaska, we probably wouldn’t either. So, let me be kinda silly for a second… Whoever is the head of The United States Air Force, GET ME TO ALASKA!!!!! 😉
FRIENDS! What friends?! Just kidding… but not really. I have a few friends that I continue my friendship with AFTER we part to different duty stations. You say you will see each other again and promise to make plans for visits every year but I’m gonna break it to ya. You don’t. I got lucky and most of my military friends were a part of my wife and I’s wedding but that wasn’t until 4 years later! 4 years. Do you know how long that is when you literally lived right down the road from them or even lived with them?! You saw each other every fucking day. You would walk to their house and just walk in as if you lived there too. Those friends eventually part from you and it’s like separating from family. They become your military family. The only people who know EXACTLY what you’re going through! Shout out to all my dear military family who still keep in contact with me years later! They are definitely one of a kind friendships and you will never find ones like them!
So, there ya have it. My role being a military spouse. I may not be your stereotypical “military wife” but I think I’m doing a fantastic job as being a wife, and that’s all that matters!